I do not want this new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.
“But you can browse the Internet,
And play games you haven’t heard of yet!”
My Dell’s all right for the Internet,
My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.
I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,
I won’t annoy my friends with words.
I do not want a new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine;; it’s what I own.
“But it will guide you down the street,
And suggest great places to stop and eat!”
I can just use my Thomas Guide,
And look for signs inside my ride.
My Dell’s all right for the Internet,
My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.
I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,
I won’t annoy my friends with words.
I don’t want the new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.
“The Music app plays MP3s,
Be they Bach’s, the Beatles’, or Kenny G’s!”
Who needs that? I have CD’s,
And on the air’s good old Rick Dees.
A Thomas Guide to tell me left or right,
A Mickey D’s at every light.
My Dell’s all right for the Internet,
My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.
I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,
I won’t annoy my friends with words.
I don’t want the new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.
“It’s a camera everywhere you go,
For shots of kids or dogs or snow!”
I can get my pics taken at the mall,
No selfies on my Facebook wall.
I have my Carpenters LPs,
And a strange soft spot for old Rick Dees.
An atlas to the interstate,
All night diners when it’s late.
My Dell’s all I need for the Internet,
My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.
I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,
I won’t annoy my friends with words.
I do not want the new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.
“But now with a contract, the iPhone’s free!
Try it! Try it! Please? For me?”
My Razr at last gave up the ghost,
So sad; it was the phone I’d loved the most.
I guess I’ll get the free 5C,
But it will only be a phone to me.
Oh, but I suppose I’ll take pictures of my dog,
Just to post on my Tumblr blog.
That’s it. No more … oh, wait … but damn …
I kinda like this Instagram.
iTunes has the Best of Gladys Knight and the Pips?!
You know, my vinyl copy always skips.
Siri will talk me down the street?
Huh … you know … that’s kind of neat.
My iPhone helped me win that bet,
When I looked up Rick Dees’s age on the Internet.
Now I have a plushy of a disgruntled yellow bird,
And four days left to play a word.
It’s been two days, and with a groan,
I must admit, I love iPhone.
But wait, what’s that I hear you say?
Another gadget’s on the way?
I do not want an Apple Watch,
I’m quite contented with my Swatch …
I’ve always been an avid reader, and the flipping of the calendar is as good an excuse as any to take a look back at the titles I enjoyed most over the previous twelve months. This list is limited to just those books that I especially enjoyed.
I’d love to hear from you if you’ve read and/or enjoyed any of these titles, so feel free to hit me up on Twitter; discussing novels is always a ton of fun.
Links provided are for the Audible.com editions.
The Bloody Jack Series
The Bloody Jack series by L.A. Meyer begins (surprise surprise) with Bloody Jack. That link will take you to the audio book edition on Audible.com, which I highly recommend. The narrator, Katherine Kellgren, provides one of the finest audio book narration performances I have ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot of them.
The series follows the adventures of Jacky Faber, a young orphan girl living as a beggar on the streets of 19th century London. Jacky disguises herself as a boy and joins the Royal Navy as a ship’s boy. The entire series, consisting of twelve fantastic volumes, is pure fun. It ranks, personally, as one of my all time favorite literary series, which is really saying something, since my taste skews decidedly toward fantasy and science-fiction.
I truly cannot say enough good things about this entire series, nor the breathtaking performance of Katherine Kellgren. It’s fun, heartwarming, suspenseful, terrifying, hilarious, and endlessly entertaining.
Prince Lestat
It’s been a decade since Anne Rice offered up an installment in the Vampire Chronicles. Prince Lestat does not disappoint. It is refreshingly new, taking our beloved characters to new places and experiences that we have not seen hitherto. Judging by a few reviews online, some long-time fans of the series have found this chapter in the saga disappointing because it didn’t retread the old familiar ground, but I loved it precisely because it was new. Not only is it new, but it feels absolutely right. It’s a natural, authentic progression of the universe Rice created, far more so than 2004’s Blood Canticle.
Revival
It’s hard to go wrong with Stephen King, and Revival is classic King.
At its core, Revival is King’s take on the mad scientist trope from classic horror tales stretching all the way back to Mary Shelly. Its sprawling timeline, spanning from the early 1960s to present day, feels genuine, with King masterfully capturing the sense and flavor of each era he includes.
Mr. Mercedes
The first entry in a projected trilogy by Stephen King, Mr. Mercedes is a mystery/thriller that is one of the most suspenseful stories King has produced in years. It will keep you at the edge of your seat, frantically turning pages, be they of the virtual or paper varieties. The second installment should be released in 2015. Only Stephen King could release two fantastic novels with less than six months betwixed them.
The Silkworm
The Silkworm is the second installment in the Cormoran Strike series by Robert Galbraith, better known as J.K. Rowling. The series takes the very classic detective fiction genre, a class of stories most purely embodied by the indomitable Sherlock HOlmes, and places it squarely in 21st century London. Full of Rowling’s trademark wit and clever storytelling, this volume is every bit as good as the first, if not better.
The Etymologicon
The Etymologicon is a self-proclaimed “”Circular Stroll Through the Hidden Connections of the English Language“” by Mark Forsyth. Told with a light and extremely humorous and entertaining style, Mr. Forsyth explores the origins of everyday words in the English language.