I do not want this new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.
“But you can browse the Internet,
And play games you haven’t heard of yet!”
My Dell’s all right for the Internet,
My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.
I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,
I won’t annoy my friends with words.
I do not want a new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine;; it’s what I own.
“But it will guide you down the street,
And suggest great places to stop and eat!”
I can just use my Thomas Guide,
And look for signs inside my ride.
My Dell’s all right for the Internet,
My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.
I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,
I won’t annoy my friends with words.
I don’t want the new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.
“The Music app plays MP3s,
Be they Bach’s, the Beatles’, or Kenny G’s!”
Who needs that? I have CD’s,
And on the air’s good old Rick Dees.
A Thomas Guide to tell me left or right,
A Mickey D’s at every light.
My Dell’s all right for the Internet,
My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.
I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,
I won’t annoy my friends with words.
I don’t want the new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.
“It’s a camera everywhere you go,
For shots of kids or dogs or snow!”
I can get my pics taken at the mall,
No selfies on my Facebook wall.
I have my Carpenters LPs,
And a strange soft spot for old Rick Dees.
An atlas to the interstate,
All night diners when it’s late.
My Dell’s all I need for the Internet,
My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.
I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,
I won’t annoy my friends with words.
I do not want the new iPhone,
My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.
“But now with a contract, the iPhone’s free!
Try it! Try it! Please? For me?”
My Razr at last gave up the ghost,
So sad; it was the phone I’d loved the most.
I guess I’ll get the free 5C,
But it will only be a phone to me.
Oh, but I suppose I’ll take pictures of my dog,
Just to post on my Tumblr blog.
That’s it. No more … oh, wait … but damn …
I kinda like this Instagram.
iTunes has the Best of Gladys Knight and the Pips?!
You know, my vinyl copy always skips.
Siri will talk me down the street?
Huh … you know … that’s kind of neat.
My iPhone helped me win that bet,
When I looked up Rick Dees’s age on the Internet.
Now I have a plushy of a disgruntled yellow bird,
And four days left to play a word.
It’s been two days, and with a groan,
I must admit, I love iPhone.
But wait, what’s that I hear you say?
Another gadget’s on the way?
I do not want an Apple Watch,
I’m quite contented with my Swatch …