I do not want this new iPhone,

My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.

“But you can browse the Internet,

And play games you haven’t heard of yet!”

My Dell’s all right for the Internet,

My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.

I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,

I won’t annoy my friends with words.

I do not want a new iPhone,

My Razr’s fine;; it’s what I own.

“But it will guide you down the street,

And suggest great places to stop and eat!”

I can just use my Thomas Guide,

And look for signs inside my ride.

My Dell’s all right for the Internet,

My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.

I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,

I won’t annoy my friends with words.

I don’t want the new iPhone,

My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.

“The Music app plays MP3s,

Be they Bach’s, the Beatles’, or Kenny G’s!”

Who needs that? I have CD’s,

And on the air’s good old Rick Dees.

A Thomas Guide to tell me left or right,

A Mickey D’s at every light.

My Dell’s all right for the Internet,

My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.

I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,

I won’t annoy my friends with words.

I don’t want the new iPhone,

My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.

“It’s a camera everywhere you go,

For shots of kids or dogs or snow!”

I can get my pics taken at the mall,

No selfies on my Facebook wall.

I have my Carpenters LPs,

And a strange soft spot for old Rick Dees.

An atlas to the interstate,

All night diners when it’s late.

My Dell’s all I need for the Internet,

My Gameboy’s fine for the games I get.

I don’t want to play with Angry Birds,

I won’t annoy my friends with words.

I do not want the new iPhone,

My Razr’s fine; it’s what I own.

“But now with a contract, the iPhone’s free!

Try it! Try it! Please? For me?”

My Razr at last gave up the ghost,

So sad; it was the phone I’d loved the most.

I guess I’ll get the free 5C,

But it will only be a phone to me.

Oh, but I suppose I’ll take pictures of my dog,

Just to post on my Tumblr blog.

That’s it. No more … oh, wait … but damn …

I kinda like this Instagram.

iTunes has the Best of Gladys Knight and the Pips?!

You know, my vinyl copy always skips.

Siri will talk me down the street?

Huh … you know … that’s kind of neat.

My iPhone helped me win that bet,

When I looked up Rick Dees’s age on the Internet.

Now I have a plushy of a disgruntled yellow bird,

And four days left to play a word.

It’s been two days, and with a groan,

I must admit, I love iPhone.

But wait, what’s that I hear you say?

Another gadget’s on the way?

I do not want an Apple Watch,

I’m quite contented with my Swatch …